Mass Effect: A SelfInsert
by Soleneus
Summary: A ME self insert. What happens when the man named Saul E Neuss lands in the ME-verse after dying? What are these strange powers? Read to find out! R&R!
1. Death

A ridiculous self-insert, but I still hope you like it.

"Help Me!"

I heard the cry coming from an alley I was walking past, and I saw a woman being held at gunpoint by a man in black, who was trying to pull her purse away from her.

Without thinking, I tackled the man, and we began to wrestle for control of the gun. He pulled a hand back and punched me in the face, stunning me long enough for him to yank the weapon from my grasp, and aim it at my chest.

The crack of the gun firing echoed off the walls, and I felt it burrow into my chest, breaking the ribs covering my heart, and pierce my heart. Agony ripped through me, and blood poured from the wound. I fell to the ground, groaning. The man stood, and looked around.

The woman had gone.

"Shit. Just great." He said. He turned to me, raising his gun. "you just cost me my score, fucker. But I guess your wallet will do."

I heard the roar of the gun.

As I lay there, I felt death come upon me, and saw a bright light. What was weird, was sucking feeling I felt, as if I was being sucked through the floor.

I felt a thump on my back, and I lost consciousness.

R&R


	2. WAAAAKE UUUUP!

I groaned and rolled awake, clutching my head. _Wait, I'm alive?_ I thought, immediately forgetting any pain I felt._ How? What? Where am I?_ I looked around, and seemed to be in a cargo bay of some sort, surrounded by weird white crates.

A door on the far left side of the room opened up, and two things rushed through. One was a…blue? A blue woman thing with no hair, instead with tentacle-like things, and a deep brown, four-eyed thing, who looked like a male.

"A human stowaway," the brown guy growled, raising a strange looking weapon at me, and pulling the trigger.

I yelped (In a manly way, of course) and threw my arms up in front of my face.

"What the fuck?" I heard the brown guy say in surprise. "Shoot him again," I heard a lilting voice that must have been the woman's. I heard the gun discharge, but felt nothing. I lowered my arms slowly, and saw them staring at me, eyes wide. The brown guy had the gun down by his side, held slackly in his grip. He said to the blue woman, "Just beat him to death."

I raised my hands in surprise, and shouted, "What did I do?" The blue woman's foot connected with my face.

I reeled back, feeling my nose to see if it was broken. I found nothing wrong with my face, in fact, I was perfectly fine. That was when I heard the screaming. Looking around, I saw the blue woman lying on the floor, clutching her foot screaming something about a goddess or something. She turned to me and hissed between gritted teeth, "You'll pay for that!" She rolled to the brown guy, and shouted, "Don't just stand there, make him pay for that!"  
>The brown guy rushed forward, and I felt a sudden flash of violence. These people were attacking me, for no good damn reason, and I didn't like, dammit.<p>

As he rushed towards me, I ducked under his fist and, using his forward momentum, grabbed him by the wrist and flipped him over my head. _Ok, where did learn to do that?_ I thought as I watched him go sailing into a crate with a lot of force. _Also, how did I get so strong?_

"Stop it right now!"

I turned to see a tall, this time human man enter the room. Gray hair covered his head and his jawline in a rough beard.

"Enough fighting you, two!" He ordered the incapacitated woman and the unconscious brown guy. He turned to me, and said, "Who are you and what are you doing on my ship?" I licked my lips nervously. I knew NOW that I could handle myself (from bullets to karate kicks to the face, apparently) but this guy made me slightly scared.

For some reason.

"My name is Saul. Saul Euaran Neuss. But I go by the name Soleneus."

The man raised an eyebrow at my name. "Your name, Saul, sounds familiar, for some reason. My name Aaron Williams and I am captain of this ship, the_ Illyana, _which you are currently trespassing on. Explain yourself."

"See, that's the hard part. I don't remember how I got on here. I remember being in an alley, and getting shot, but beyond that, nothing." He stared at me intensely, as if to see if I was lying. I wasn't. (I swear!)

Aaron sighed. "Look kid, here's what I'm gonna do. We have to drop this shipment off at this colony, and I'll drop you there as well. They could always use more hands there. Sorry, kid, it's all I can do."

I nodded in understanding. He walked over to the blue woman, who was glaring at me, with a small gleam in her eyes, and he helped her up, supporting her. He walked, and she limped, over to the four-eyed brown guy and lifted him up onto a shoulder. "Come on, he grunted, "time to go to the med-bay."

"Hey, wait a second! What's the name of the colony?" Aaron looked back at me.

"Eden Prime."


	3. Leeroy

I had been on Eden Prime ONE god-damn day, and the geth attacked. Aroka, that was the asari woman from earlier was with me. I had also found out about aliens from her, and we had become friendly rivals. In two days. Whatever.

We had gotten some colonists off of Eden Prime, but there were still many more left, dead or alive, in the colony.

Aroka had gone to look for more colonists in the main part of the colony, and I had gone to the dig site, where they had found something earlier that week.

I was walking along the cliff side over-looking the dig, when I saw a woman being chased by two floating geth drones. She threw herself backwards, pulling a pistol out of a holster as she did, skidding and shooting the two drones down. They exploded, spraying the area with shrapnel.

She watched in horror (I was equally horrified) as two geth pushed a still-living human onto a pad, and a giant spike shot out, impaling him high upon it.

The geth heard her gasp of horror, and turned to her, flashlight heads, uh, flashing, and brought their strange looking assault rifles up. She rolled behind a rock, pulling her assault rifle from her back.

My thought process went like this: _Well, she needs help._

That was it.

…

Ok. Time to act.

I leaped from the cliff shouting a great warriors name as my war-distraction-cry.

"LEEERROOOYYYY (breath) JEEEENKIIINS!"

The geth looked up in surprise as I landed and crushed one of them. The other brought its' rifle about and almost fired. I yanked the rifle from its' grasp and beat it into a pile of sparking circuitry with my fists. I wasn't even breathing hard.

Someone cleared their throat.

I whirled around, and saw a woman, two actually, and a guy looking at me with shock and surprise on their faces. "Hi," I said weakly. I hadn't meant to show off.

"How did you do that?" The middle woman in black armor with an N7 across the right breast said. I shrugged. The guy started to say something when they all pulled weapons out of holsters and pointed them at my right hand, still holding the geth rifle. I put my hands in the air. "What? What did I-" I looked at my right hand and saw what looked like black slime creeping up the gun. "What the Fuck!" I shouted, dropping the gun.

As soon as it hit the ground, the black shit disappeared. "What the hell was that?" The middle woman asked. I shrugged, again. I said gently, "I'm going to pick it up again. Don't shoot me, it won't work anyways." She looked confused by what I said, but she still nodded.

I bent down and picked up the gun. Black slime immediately came across the weapon, coating it entirely. Hiding my revulsion, I watched as the weapon seemed to change, becoming smaller. The slime fell away, leaving a shiny, black, and generally much more bad-ass looking than before. _Cool,_ I thought.

I looked at the three people before me, surprise once more etched upon their faces.

"So…my name is Soleneus, but you can call me Sol (Saul, basically)" They looked up, then at one another.

"I am Commander Jane Shepard of the SSV Normandy, this is Kaidan Alenko, and you are…?" "Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams." _Williams? I wonder…_ I shook all of their hands. "Do you know what's going on, Soleneus?" Shepard asked. "Nope. Just got here yesterday." She turned to Williams. "How about you?" Ashley responded with a sigh. "About 4 days ago, the colonists dug up something with Prothean markings on it. Today, the geth attacked, with this massive warship. We had no chance. They wiped out my whole squad." Shepard shook her head. "I'm sorry. We'll get these bastards for this." She paused for a second. "Where's the beacon?"

Ashley pointed down the canyon. "In the middle of the dig site," she said.

We moved out, my shiny, black, new, awesome assault rifle ready in my hands. In a couple minutes, I explained my apparent invincibility to Shepard. "What do you mean; bullets don't do anything to you?" I had pick-pocketed her pistol from her earlier, and I presented it to her. "Shoot me in the head," I said, repressing a smile. She mock-frowned at me and took her pistol back. She pointed it at my head, now looking nervous. "Are you sure? The bullets go almost FTL speeds."

I nodded, smiling. "Go ahead." I felt the adrenalin rushing through my veins, and then she pulled the trigger.

Time seemed to slow, and I could see the bullet come out of the barrel. _So much for "almost FTL speeds",_ I thought. The bullet seemed to be moving towards me at a walking speed.

I reached out, and snagged it out of the air. I looked at Shepard, but she had not moved at all. I waved a hand in front of her face. "Shepard? Hellooo?" That was when I noticed that I heard nothing. Nothing at all. Pure silence.

Weird.

I felt a tingling on my skin and looked down. My skin glowed a gentle golden color. "Jesus Christ, more? What is this, one of my stories?" I concentrated, and the tingling disappeared, and the noise came rushing back.

Shepard looked around surprised, and spotted me, standing a few feet away. "How did you get over there so fast?" she asked.

I turned to her. Kaidan and Ashley had gone ahead to the dig site. We were alone.

"Can I tell you something?" I said seriously. She frowned questioningly, but nodded. I looked around; making sure no one was listening, and leaned forward.

"I think I just went lightspeed."

She looked somewhat stunned. (No surprise there)

"I-"

The comm. clicked, and we heard gun fire. _"Shepard, we have geth at the dig site!"_

I looked at Shepard. "Perfect time to show you."

I scooped her up in my arms (she protested that) and I felt the tingle go across my skin…


	4. At The Speed Of Light!

A geth fell to the ground, holes punched through its chest, flashlight head, and groin. (Heh heh) "I love this gun!" I crowed. Turning to another geth, I stunned it with my rifle butt, and ripped it in half with bullets from the crotch up.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Kaidan yelled, "The crotch is isn't a weak point on them!" "I know!" I yelled back, "But it's funny!"

A sniper round glanced off Shepard's shields. "Shit!" She dived behind a rock. That almost took my shield down! Sol! Get him!" She barked at me. I put my rifle to my shoulder and fired, but my shots didn't go far enough. I felt the tingle of light on my skin, and I felt a rush in my body.

I found myself in the spot the sniper had previously been in, and the geth sniper flying (in pieces) into the distance. "Sweet," I said to myself. I walked back to Shepard and the others.

We had found nothing at the dig site, much to Ashley's chagrin. We went looking for the Prothean beacon in the main part of the colony, and almost got there, when we came across a dead alien Shepard and Kaidan called "Nihilus". We had learned from some guy, who was hiding behind a crate, that another alien of the same species, called a "Turian", named "Saren" had shot Nihilus in the back of the head. Also, they were both "Specters", and that meant they were elite agents of the "Citadel Council". Whatever that meant, exactly.

I had been given an Omni-tool by one of the colonists, and I received a message from Aroka as we got on the tram. I clicked a button on the holographic interface, and the screen clicked up. Aroka's face appeared, and she seemed to be hidden, because she spoke quietly. "Hey, Sol, is that you coming on the tram? Because there are a shit-ton of guys here." "Sol, who is that?" Shepard asked. Aroka leaned forward. "Who's that?" I turned the view to Shepard, and introduced her, Ashley, and Kaidan. Hearing Ashley's name, the look on her face was the same as the thought that had run through my head when I had first heard her surname.

"Is there a Turian there?" I questioned. Instead of answering, she turned her view, and we saw a Turian in white armor floating in the air, next to something that looked like what Ashley had described the Prothean beacon to look like.

"Ok, Aroka, stay put, and we'll come get you." She nodded, and turned the view screen to the tram station, where I could see myself, Shepard, and the others standing around me. I got an idea. "Can you record this?" I asked Aroka. She gave me a _duh_ look, and I shrugged. "Sorry, this is still new to me. I want this as evidence of my awesomeness."

I closed the Omni-tool, and turned to Shepard. "Hang back and I'll deal with the geth."

She nodded, tentatively.

"Shepard, we have signals from some things that are placed around the station," Kaidan looked up from his Omni-tool. "Shepard, those signals come from bombs. If they go off, they'll destroy the entire colony!" Shepard thought for a moment, tapping the chin of her visor. "Okay, revised plan," she said, "Sol, you deal with the geth, while Kaidan and I deal with the bombs. Ashley will cover us."

I nodded, and the tram bumped into the station, and geth popped out of cover and began shooting us.

Not for long.

Within 40 seconds, they were all scrap, and Shepard and Kaidan where disarming all the bombs. As Kaidan called out the last bomb being disarmed, Aroka jogged into view, just turning off her Omni-tool.

"Did you catch all that?" I asked. She nodded. "Yeah, I did. How did you do that?"

"Do what?" She made furious hand motions in the air. "You jumped from one person to the other, and they where thrown away in pieces. How?" I shrugged. "I found out I can go lightspeed, and I Charge across long distances and hit people with great force. It's fun." She looked at the ground for awhile, thinking. "She looked up, and said, "It might be possible, but maybe biotics might be able to recreate that with the right implants."

I looked at her oddly. "What's a biotic?" She turned to me. "It's a person who can affect mass effect fields."

I was lost. "What?"

She shook her head. "You really need to get on the extranet." She said.

Now, I was more confused. "Extranet?"

She shook her head again.

Shepard was examining the Prothean beacon, when some kind of force field started to pull her in. "Shepard!" I yelled, and ran for her. Grabbing her around the waist, I was about to throw her out of the force field, when we were both pulled in by it, and suspended in the air.

A rush of images flooded my mind, visions of a machines waging war on an alien race that looked like they had squids coming out of their mouths.

The beacon exploded, throwing Shepard and I back, me, for some reason, way farther back into a wall.

_Sexist,_ was my last thought before blacking out.


	5. Revelations

**In case it was not clear, I don't own ME, just the Characters.**

**If I did, well…shit would be different, let's just say that.**

The first thing I heard was three voices, all female, whispering quietly.

"Are you sure?" _That sounds like Shepard._

"Yes, my equipment doesn't lie. Shepard, you shouldn't be up, you need rest."_ Who's that?_

"I'm fine, doc. But this is worrying. Should we tell him?"

"Of course we should tell him!"_ Aroka._ "He could have easily hidden the whole "I'm a Super-Human" thing from us, well, not from me, but he didn't! We can't hide this from him!"

I sat up slowly, stealthily, and crept up behind them.

"Keep what from me?" I asked.

They jumped in surprise, and as one, turned to me. A grey-haired woman held her hand out to me. "Hello, Soleneus, I am Chief Medical Officer Chakwas, but just Doctor Chakwas will do." I shook her hand, and then looked at Shepard and Aroka.

It was the first time I had seen Shepard out of her armor, and her hair was a light purple color. Her eyes were a light shade of violet. Her skin was pale and smooth, but I could see the defined muscles all over her body.

Aroka and Shepard were a lot alike. (Despite the fact that one was an blue, and the other was a human) They both were about 6'0, though Shepard was taller.(because of her hair) They were both alluring beauties, and both could kick your ass, Shepard, because, I would later find out, her N7 marine training, and Aroka because of the commando training she had received from her mother twenty years ago. (I still had yet to find out Aroka's age; though I hoped it would be younger 17, my age…I doubt that, somehow)

Back to the matter at hand, though.

"Keep what from me?" I asked again. (Serious time)

"Well…" Chakwas wrung her hands, as if unsure what to say.

"Just say it, doc," Shepard said gently.

"Alright Shepard," She looked me in the face. _This can't be good,_ I thought.

"Soleneus, Saul, it seems you are dead."

My face didn't change. "I'm sorry, what?"

"I looked your name up in the Alliance data bases, and it would seem that a man named Saul Euaran Neuss was killed 173 years ago, by a mugger, who was mugging a woman."

I nodded.

"Yeah, I remember that. Some guy in a mask was mugging a woman, so I tackled him, and we wrestled, and I lost, and he shot me. Once in the chest, then once in the head. That's the last thing I remember before waking up in the cargo bay of a ship headed to Eden Prime."

The humans looked shocked; Aroka just looked like she was thinking really hard.

"That woman," Chakwas explained, "Became the first woman president of the US. Her descendants were the ones who discovered the Mass Relay on Charon."

"Here," Shepard turned on her Omni-tool, "It's the inauguration. She dedicated her presidency to heroes like you."

I watched the inauguration, awed by what I'd done. When I'd seen that man attacking her, I hadn't thought about the consequences. I'd simply done what I'd thought was right.

_Holy shit,_ I thought._ All this has happened because of me. _

_Everyone I know is dead._

The thought hit me like a ton of bricks.

Next thing I knew, four worried faces were above my own. Aroka, Shepard, Chakwas and an unknown black man. The man reached a hand out, and grasped my own.

"I'm Captain David Anderson, of the Normandy. You must be Saul." I pulled myself up from the ground I was lying on.

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"Just about 30 minutes," The doc replied. "Are you alright?"\

"I'll be fine as long as I don't think about it." I said.

A male voice came over the intercom. "We're about 10 minutes from the Citadel, Captain." "Okay, Joker." Turning to Shepard and I, Anderson started questioning us about the vision we had gotten from the beacon. Apparently, Shepard had already told the doc (and everybody else) about it. She included it in a report to Anderson.

Shepard couldn't tell him anymore than I could, but he still seemed troubled. "I don't like this," he said, "Maybe we should mention this to the Council. I'll ask Udina. I doubt he'll have anything useful to say, though."

Aroka tilted her head away from the conversing humans and whispered, "You should come up front. The view of The Citadel is one you don't want to miss."

Grabbing my hand, she led me from the med bay, past a dining room/common area, up some stairs, and past a floating, holographic representation of the galaxy.

"Whoa," I whispered.

"You haven't seen anything yet," Aroka said.

We came to the cockpit of the Normandy, were a guy was sitting in a chair, tapping a large holographic screen in front of him.

"Whoa!"

The view from the windows was amazing! Purple nebulae surrounded a giant, white, five armed…thing. (Like a badass mechanical starfish, of something)

"All our taxes going to work, huh?" the pilot said.

"Please," Kaidan said, from a similar, if not smaller chair to the right, with a similar screen in front of him. "As if you ever pay taxes, Joker."

Kaidan smiled at us, and looked at Joker. "Looks like your finally awake, huh?"

Joker turned his head and looked at us. "So, your that super-guy Kaidan told me about. I bet I could take you." He said jokingly. Kaidan shook his head. "Joker, you couldn't take a twig. In fact, you would probably break a few bones."

We laughed at that. (Mostly at Joker, though)

Joker clicked a button on his interface, and spoke. "This is the Alliance vessel SSV Normandy, requesting dock."

A voice spoke back. _"Welcome, Normandy, permission granted."_

Aroka pointed out a giant ship that floated near the middle of the Citadel. "That's the _Destiny __Ascension_, dreadnought of the Citadel Council."

As we flew into the docking bay, Shepard and Anderson came up to the front with us. I nodded to them, and as the clamps...clamped onto the Normandy, I thought to myself, _What will I find here?_


	6. Warning: Mushy IRL Stuff

This is a Dedication page. Skip if not interested in Mushy stuff.

This Story is dedicated to Jose, Sean, Ruby, Michelle, Trevor, and all my friends at that place.

Second, to Rachel Edwards. Where you been, girl. How come you no write, no call, no NOTHING?(I joke) Call me sometime, girl. Say hello to Riker for me!

Third, Silver. Hope you find what you are looking for.

Alexis, I hope you get what you need. You deserve it, girl.

But Mostly, to Amber Young. I need you to call me, or FB me or something. We need to talk. You know why.

All of the above, FB me, I've had the hardest time trying to find you guys.

(Except the first people. You know why.)

I miss You Guys.

Sincerely,

The Pen-Name Saul E. Neuss (Soleneus)

Actually,

A.M.W.


End file.
